This medical journey has led me to believe that M.D. most likely stands for Major Dick.
Dr. Premier said in our last phone conversation that "due to a lack of medical evidence, I could not be given a diagnosis of Porphyria. However, if we explored a reumetological disease (the only type we haven't 'explored') then he could theoretically give me a deferential diagnosis". So with nothing else left as an option, I reluctantly headed to another M.D.
And boy did this guy live up to the name! For blogging purposes he will be referred to as Dr. Flippant, although I am quite tempted to use his first name, last name, middle initial, address, phone number, fax number, a link to his website, a link to his personal bio...
The rules were this: I agreed to go to Dr. Flippant if Dr. Premier agreed to discuss with him personally my case and explain everything I've already been through... in the hopes that I didn't waste my time and my medial insurance's money.
So I make my appointment, complete a novel of new patient paperwork, show up 10 minutes early, discuss my entire health history with his medical assistant - showing her copies of labs, pictures of rashes, pictures of pee, the whole works...and then I meet him. This is how my appointment went:
MD: Hi I'm Dr. Flippant. Why don't you take a seat. (pointing to a chair so he can stand over me, making him feel superior)
ME: (getting off of exam table wearing paper gown) Um, OK.
MD: So I've gone over your records. Why are you even here?
ME: (totally taken aback, thinking he wants a brief history) Well, it all started a couple years ago...
MD: No, I just said I've read your history.
ME: OK, Well Dr. Premier wanted to check for a rare type of Lupus.
MD: Yea, yea, yea. (literally he says this) You don't have Lupus, you've been tested for that already.
ME: (thanks for pointing out the obvious A-hole...Do you think I want to be here) Ok, well...
MD: What I think is going on here, Jan, is that you are on a quest. A quest to find something sinister that doesn't exist. And I think it's time somebody take you out of the medical system so you can start living your life again.
ME: I was very sick, and that's why I'm going to doctors.
MD: You look fine to me.
ME: I wasn't 'fine' just a couple of months ago. When Dr. Premier began thinking I have Porphyria, he took me off of birth control pills, and having the extra estrogen out made a huge difference, but that wasn't long ago. So yes, right now I'm fine.
MD: Well being on birth control pills doesn't affect anything. What are you and your husband doing for contraception?
ME: (oh, are you my OB/GYN now? And what the hell business is it of yours?) Condoms
MD: You know that condoms really limit the male's sexual experience. You should go back on the pill. There's no reason why you shouldn't.
This is where I decided to keep my mouth shut, nod my head, and get the F out of there. By the time I got to my car I was crying, by the time I got home I was fuming mad.